From Shadows to Spotlight: The Journey From Pain To Empowerment (AUDIO ONLY)

1
00:00:13,464 --> 00:00:17,324
Hi, welcome to the inner workings
of the not so genius mind.

2
00:00:17,734 --> 00:00:23,444
Diving deep into the ordinary mind
to uncover extraordinary insights.

3
00:00:24,014 --> 00:00:25,924
I'm your host, Amanda McCombs.

4
00:00:26,384 --> 00:00:28,514
Our goal is to bring light to the shadows.

5
00:00:28,689 --> 00:00:32,869
Laughter to the tears and a sense of
community to all those who tune in.

6
00:00:33,289 --> 00:00:37,579
Please share, like, and subscribe
through your preferred podcast platform.

7
00:00:37,959 --> 00:00:40,729
You can find me at not
so genius on Instagram.

8
00:00:41,549 --> 00:00:45,509
You probably have no idea who I am,
but hang out for a while and you're

9
00:00:45,509 --> 00:00:47,029
going to get a very good look.

10
00:00:47,364 --> 00:00:50,374
at what has happened along
the way to make me who I am.

11
00:00:50,914 --> 00:00:56,534
The love that grew from the ashes and the
resilience it can take to be alive today.

12
00:00:57,444 --> 00:00:58,124
I am Mrs.

13
00:00:58,124 --> 00:00:59,964
Daybreak from the Mrs.

14
00:00:59,964 --> 00:01:01,564
Utah America program.

15
00:01:02,014 --> 00:01:07,594
I went from hardly being able to walk
straight to dancing in six inch heels

16
00:01:07,764 --> 00:01:12,814
on a stage and I've like really had no
idea where to start with this story.

17
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:17,444
I mean, how can I even begin to untangle?

18
00:01:18,299 --> 00:01:20,719
What brought me to where I am now.

19
00:01:21,519 --> 00:01:27,799
There is a lot of heartbreak and
a lot of trauma and resilience and

20
00:01:27,799 --> 00:01:31,329
compassion and somehow I still made it.

21
00:01:31,429 --> 00:01:32,559
I made it through.

22
00:01:33,309 --> 00:01:35,239
Let's go back to like
a year and a half ago.

23
00:01:36,599 --> 00:01:42,449
in February when I was diagnosed
with shingles through my sinuses

24
00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:47,649
and it was in my ear and all
over the right side of my face.

25
00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:51,319
Like it was all up in here.

26
00:01:52,089 --> 00:01:53,149
Did you know that could happen?

27
00:01:53,169 --> 00:01:54,879
Did you know it can go inside your face?

28
00:01:55,059 --> 00:01:56,409
Did you know it can go in your head?

29
00:01:56,499 --> 00:01:57,759
It was in my eyelid.

30
00:01:58,479 --> 00:02:03,959
Um, and I'm young ish, right?

31
00:02:04,009 --> 00:02:07,689
I'm not very I'm in my 30s,
late 30s, approaching 40.

32
00:02:08,059 --> 00:02:10,549
I'm not in my 60s, like they say.

33
00:02:10,859 --> 00:02:11,989
People normally get it.

34
00:02:11,989 --> 00:02:15,779
And now I'm hearing all the time,
like after I got it really bad.

35
00:02:15,819 --> 00:02:20,019
I hear from people all the time
around my age that are getting it.

36
00:02:20,969 --> 00:02:25,139
And, um, I was really fit.

37
00:02:25,189 --> 00:02:27,069
I was in the best shape of my life.

38
00:02:27,159 --> 00:02:30,089
I was teaching Arts Integrated P.

39
00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:30,539
E.

40
00:02:31,054 --> 00:02:31,524
Which

41
00:02:34,594 --> 00:02:36,624
my I loved it like a lot.

42
00:02:36,644 --> 00:02:42,774
That was one of my favorite things
I did actually but um, I Once the

43
00:02:42,774 --> 00:02:48,804
shingles went through I I couldn't
see or hear I was totally down

44
00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:58,109
So I got some articles for you help flying
says that shingles is a rash that usually

45
00:02:58,109 --> 00:03:01,819
appears on one side of the chest and back.

46
00:03:01,869 --> 00:03:05,679
It can also develop on the side
of the face and around the eye.

47
00:03:06,459 --> 00:03:10,529
The condition can be very painful and can
sometimes have long term side effects.

48
00:03:10,609 --> 00:03:15,129
No cure for shingles is available,
but early treatment can lower your

49
00:03:15,199 --> 00:03:17,939
risk of serious Complications.

50
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:25,279
And it's more likely to happen if
you have a compromised immune system.

51
00:03:26,029 --> 00:03:31,549
You can get it at any age, but
your risk increases after 60 and

52
00:03:31,549 --> 00:03:35,199
it's no there there's we don't
know why people get it on the face.

53
00:03:35,979 --> 00:03:37,669
And one out of three adults get it.

54
00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:41,819
I didn't, I had no idea what it was.

55
00:03:42,159 --> 00:03:46,739
I initially, when I went in,
I was misdiagnosed with an ear

56
00:03:46,739 --> 00:03:51,769
infection and they gave me some
eardrops and I tried that out and

57
00:03:51,839 --> 00:03:55,879
laid down and it was not working.

58
00:03:56,019 --> 00:03:57,849
My head hurt so bad.

59
00:03:57,859 --> 00:04:01,809
They were trying to tell me that I had
swimmer's ear and I was like, Nope.

60
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:02,209
Nope.

61
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:02,609
Nope.

62
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:02,809
Nope.

63
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:03,169
Nope.

64
00:04:03,709 --> 00:04:08,179
Um, and because it had been long
enough, there is an antiviral you

65
00:04:08,179 --> 00:04:13,189
can take that reduces the symptoms
and like makes it not last as long.

66
00:04:13,589 --> 00:04:15,429
I didn't get it in time.

67
00:04:16,614 --> 00:04:21,804
It has to be given within three
days to keep someone from having

68
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:23,824
any long term or permanent damage.

69
00:04:23,844 --> 00:04:31,474
And to this day, like all this part of my
face, my eye, and like all down my nose,

70
00:04:31,494 --> 00:04:37,719
and all along here, and even in parts
of the back of my head, I can't feel.

71
00:04:38,719 --> 00:04:42,779
And I have, like, I looked it up.

72
00:04:42,829 --> 00:04:43,239
It's

73
00:04:46,599 --> 00:04:48,549
Posterpic Neuralgia.

74
00:04:49,009 --> 00:04:50,279
P H N.

75
00:04:51,189 --> 00:04:52,529
I'm totally saying that wrong.

76
00:04:53,099 --> 00:04:56,759
Um, it's damage to the nerves that
can cause tingling, burning, pain,

77
00:04:56,809 --> 00:04:59,889
and other symptoms for months
or years after the infection.

78
00:05:00,139 --> 00:05:05,399
And some people have constant
pain, while other people have it,

79
00:05:05,449 --> 00:05:06,809
like, come and go over the years.

80
00:05:07,659 --> 00:05:09,279
And that is what's happening.

81
00:05:09,979 --> 00:05:14,989
In my face, behind my
eyeball, and in my sinuses.

82
00:05:15,509 --> 00:05:16,649
And I'm still dealing with it.

83
00:05:16,669 --> 00:05:21,539
I'm probably, like, any time I
ask any doctor about symptoms

84
00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:24,149
and how long it takes, they're
like, oh, every case is different.

85
00:05:24,159 --> 00:05:25,119
We have no idea.

86
00:05:25,179 --> 00:05:25,639
So.

87
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:29,109
Also, when I had shingles, it's
not like I could put, like, all

88
00:05:29,109 --> 00:05:30,959
the creams that you can do on.

89
00:05:31,314 --> 00:05:32,024
Your face.

90
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:32,864
It was real.

91
00:05:32,894 --> 00:05:33,754
It was awful.

92
00:05:33,764 --> 00:05:35,984
You guys, it was so hard to deal with.

93
00:05:39,434 --> 00:05:44,354
I couldn't even hear the sound of my
own breathing without crying in pain.

94
00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:49,084
So like I have kids, I have animals, I
have my husband, I'm supposed to teach.

95
00:05:49,124 --> 00:05:50,464
I love music.

96
00:05:51,764 --> 00:05:55,784
No voices, no music, nothing.

97
00:05:56,854 --> 00:05:58,834
Part of the time I had to have like,

98
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:08,464
My eyes covered, and earplugs, and an ice
pack, and blinds drawn, and like, nothing.

99
00:06:08,644 --> 00:06:09,924
No light and no sound.

100
00:06:11,074 --> 00:06:11,684
Nothing.

101
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,054
Um, forget going outside.

102
00:06:15,564 --> 00:06:16,374
It was February.

103
00:06:16,894 --> 00:06:20,664
The sun reflecting off
of the snow was awful.

104
00:06:20,804 --> 00:06:22,624
I needed noise canceling headphones.

105
00:06:22,704 --> 00:06:24,769
I needed Sunglasses.

106
00:06:25,069 --> 00:06:30,929
Like, if I had to ride somewhere in the
car, my husband was so sweet, he went and

107
00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:36,139
got me a sleep mask so that I could put
it on while we were driving in the car.

108
00:06:36,949 --> 00:06:40,269
And like, eye patches.

109
00:06:42,429 --> 00:06:46,074
Anything that I could do
to like, Figure it out.

110
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,154
It was awful.

111
00:06:47,254 --> 00:06:53,764
And once summer came, like the,
I live by, I live in Daybreak

112
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,074
because I miss this daybreak.

113
00:06:55,124 --> 00:06:56,274
And there's a beautiful lake.

114
00:06:56,324 --> 00:06:59,544
And I just have found a
love for paddle boarding.

115
00:06:59,594 --> 00:07:05,964
And there was no way I could go out there
with the light reflecting on the water.

116
00:07:06,004 --> 00:07:06,954
It was awful.

117
00:07:07,014 --> 00:07:10,164
And people would be like,
Oh, you don't feel good.

118
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:11,929
You should read this book.

119
00:07:12,109 --> 00:07:14,259
Or you should watch this movie.

120
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,249
Or you should do this.

121
00:07:16,249 --> 00:07:18,349
Or you should do I literally
couldn't do anything.

122
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,899
I couldn't watch movies.

123
00:07:21,229 --> 00:07:22,629
I couldn't read books.

124
00:07:23,059 --> 00:07:24,679
I couldn't listen to books.

125
00:07:25,659 --> 00:07:26,689
I'm a teacher.

126
00:07:27,419 --> 00:07:32,129
They tried to, my husband tried to take
me to a restaurant for my birthday and,

127
00:07:32,159 --> 00:07:38,839
um, I snacked on a fruit tart inside
because the restaurant was too loud.

128
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,559
That's what I did for my birthday treat.

129
00:07:40,949 --> 00:07:41,709
It was too loud.

130
00:07:42,599 --> 00:07:44,499
And I still wanted to go back to work.

131
00:07:45,009 --> 00:07:49,589
Um, the kids, when I was teaching
PE, they would just call me coach.

132
00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:51,609
And some, some of them still do.

133
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:57,749
I teach first grade now, but, um, I came
back as the visual art teacher that had

134
00:07:57,749 --> 00:08:00,049
to wear a hat inside and sunglasses.

135
00:08:00,849 --> 00:08:08,849
Um, but somehow I was able
to find life in the madness.

136
00:08:09,509 --> 00:08:15,589
And when I lost my balance, I was able
to find others that could catch me.

137
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:21,049
Like literally, my husband would hold
my hand and guide me through it all.

138
00:08:21,949 --> 00:08:26,439
He picked up so much slack and I
knew he was just as scared as I was.

139
00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:31,949
I knew he hated seeing me go through
this and he just felt so totally

140
00:08:31,949 --> 00:08:33,859
helpless, but he took care of everything.

141
00:08:34,649 --> 00:08:37,629
Um, and he took care of
me the best that he could.

142
00:08:37,949 --> 00:08:39,719
He drove the kids to all their lessons.

143
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:40,569
He drove to school.

144
00:08:40,579 --> 00:08:41,459
He drove everywhere.

145
00:08:41,469 --> 00:08:42,359
I couldn't drive.

146
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:43,569
Are you kidding me?

147
00:08:44,019 --> 00:08:45,079
That wasn't going to happen.

148
00:08:45,099 --> 00:08:49,369
And that was for months,
months and months and months.

149
00:08:50,754 --> 00:08:53,554
And somehow I was still able to find joy.

150
00:08:54,244 --> 00:08:59,774
My priorities changed when I couldn't
take in the world around me at my leisure.

151
00:09:00,754 --> 00:09:07,504
Um, now I can see and hear again and I
am never, never taking that for granted.

152
00:09:07,984 --> 00:09:09,894
Holy smokes.

153
00:09:12,449 --> 00:09:18,039
After like a year and a half of
battling awful pain, I can read

154
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:19,749
like, I can actually read books.

155
00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:21,399
Yes.

156
00:09:22,459 --> 00:09:24,129
And I can see outside.

157
00:09:24,589 --> 00:09:26,359
I don't always have to wear sunglasses.

158
00:09:26,769 --> 00:09:28,519
Why is that so exciting?

159
00:09:28,789 --> 00:09:30,269
I don't know, but it really is.

160
00:09:30,739 --> 00:09:38,919
Um, I felt the world like had been
taken away from me one piece at a time.

161
00:09:40,419 --> 00:09:42,669
And now I'm taking it all back in again.

162
00:09:43,269 --> 00:09:50,109
And I'm taking in like every little
moment and I'm able to like be where

163
00:09:50,169 --> 00:09:56,149
I'm at and be happy with where I am
and be thankful to even be alive.

164
00:09:56,639 --> 00:10:04,499
Um, my life is now defined by what it was
like before shingles and after shingles.

165
00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:08,529
And you guys the world is,
it's such a beautiful place.

166
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,619
I'm so glad that I'm at a
place I can take it in again.

167
00:10:12,409 --> 00:10:15,609
I took a lot of my life for granted.

168
00:10:17,904 --> 00:10:24,524
And I really had a lot of time
to evaluate and process a lot of

169
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:28,474
traumas that I had gone through
in my life before I got shingles.

170
00:10:30,234 --> 00:10:35,374
And unfortunately, at the peak
of my shingles, in February,

171
00:10:37,719 --> 00:10:40,989
My mother and stepfather's
house burned down and

172
00:10:43,289 --> 00:10:47,169
I couldn't like, I barely
remember hearing about it.

173
00:10:47,899 --> 00:10:52,369
Um, I couldn't look at pictures,
forget taking a phone call.

174
00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:53,549
I couldn't hear.

175
00:10:54,149 --> 00:11:02,089
Um, but anyway, I wasn't able to
do anything about it for months.

176
00:11:02,839 --> 00:11:04,579
And there's going to be
more about that later.

177
00:11:04,589 --> 00:11:07,269
Cause you know, One
traumatic thing at a time.

178
00:11:08,629 --> 00:11:12,989
I had so much time to think
in all of that silence.

179
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:17,029
And I was left alone with
just the thoughts in my head.

180
00:11:18,259 --> 00:11:20,039
I had to rethink about my life.

181
00:11:20,449 --> 00:11:22,729
Like, did I do this to myself?

182
00:11:22,819 --> 00:11:24,149
Is this a punishment?

183
00:11:24,199 --> 00:11:25,479
Why me?

184
00:11:25,509 --> 00:11:26,579
Is this a curse?

185
00:11:27,159 --> 00:11:28,749
Am I even going to make it?

186
00:11:29,674 --> 00:11:32,524
I didn't even want to be here.

187
00:11:32,714 --> 00:11:38,314
I didn't want to be going through the
pain that I had in my head and nobody

188
00:11:38,314 --> 00:11:40,304
could see, nobody could understand.

189
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:46,594
I had already been working with a
therapist, but this was like being forced

190
00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:51,774
to innerly, internally reflect and change.

191
00:11:52,584 --> 00:11:57,394
So here I am over a year later and I'm
doing my best to live life to the fullest.

192
00:11:57,464 --> 00:12:01,544
And I'm wanting to live life to find
joy and do things that make me happy.

193
00:12:02,479 --> 00:12:05,159
Um, I had to start taking care of myself.

194
00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:09,519
I was walking with a cane, like
literally couldn't walk straight.

195
00:12:10,759 --> 00:12:12,859
And here's the question.

196
00:12:13,629 --> 00:12:18,229
How do I go from not being able
to see, hear, or walk straight,

197
00:12:18,459 --> 00:12:26,339
thanks to shingles, to walking and
dancing in six inch heels on stage?

198
00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:31,549
Um, who in their right mind would sign up
for A beauty pageant knowing that they're

199
00:12:31,549 --> 00:12:37,319
a hot mess battling internal demons still
with whatever weapons and tools they have.

200
00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:43,459
I think the literal words, um, to the
people I signed up with were along the

201
00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:48,629
lines of, I would need a lot of work to
be in a beauty pageant, but guess what?

202
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:50,629
I did it.

203
00:12:51,619 --> 00:12:55,439
And it was so healing and I
am thankful for all the friends

204
00:12:55,439 --> 00:12:58,319
I made and the whole experience.

205
00:12:58,939 --> 00:13:02,869
Um, the pageant gave me some
kind of superpower or something.

206
00:13:03,309 --> 00:13:09,389
I'm more confident and I can see my value
and like honestly kind of figured out

207
00:13:10,369 --> 00:13:12,299
what it really means to be empowered.

208
00:13:12,329 --> 00:13:17,079
Like they talk about empowerment all
the time in beauty pageants, but I

209
00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:23,739
was surrounded by empowerment and I
finally get it now and I, I'm ready.

210
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:26,744
Guys, we are going to do so much talking.

211
00:13:26,774 --> 00:13:30,204
We're going to talk about all the feels
and we're going to let it all out.

212
00:13:30,234 --> 00:13:32,514
And some of us might cry.

213
00:13:33,224 --> 00:13:34,924
Um, apparently I cry a lot.

214
00:13:35,374 --> 00:13:37,604
Now that's new cause I'm feeling things.

215
00:13:37,604 --> 00:13:39,814
I wasn't really letting
myself feel before.

216
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:46,974
Anyway, if you stuck around,
thank you for coming to the inner

217
00:13:46,974 --> 00:13:49,034
workings of the not so genius mind.

218
00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:55,294
Tune in to the next episode and
find out what happens next time.

219
00:13:55,614 --> 00:13:56,154
I don't know.

220
00:13:56,164 --> 00:13:57,363
We'll see where this goes.