Managing Life Changes: Personal Insights and Reflections

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Hello, and welcome to the inner workings of the not so genius mind.

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I'm your host, Amanda McCombs, and we're going to dive deep into the ordinary mind to uncover extraordinary insights, highlighting personal journeys, with a sprinkle of humor and a fresh and unique perspective on healing and rediscovering life.

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That's our goal with this fancy little podcast.

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Um, and we are approaching August and the summer's ending.

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It's happening really, really fast.

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And just to kind of give a little bit of an idea for like, why I'm talking about what I'm talking about in this week's episode.

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Um, My focus this time of year is so different than it has been in all the other years in the past, and it's the first year that I haven't had to get a classroom ready.

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Which is so strange.

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I mean, besides COVID, but, um, COVID, I was still teaching virtually, so that was different, but this, this year, um, the focus for me has shifted from getting the school year ready for all these other kids, including my own, to just being able to focus on getting ready for the school year with them.

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Just my kids, and it is such a huge shift in my head.

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I didn't think it would be, like, this big, but don't get me wrong, like, um, I don't know.

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I'm just learning to not be a teacher.

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Like, I see the beginning of school year stuff go up, and initially I'm like, Ooh, no, not yet.

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Ew, that's gross.

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Put it away, put it away, but Um, I don't have to get ready for my own classroom, and it's just, it's just kind of blowing my mind.

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Like, normally I would already be at the school, and I would be dragging my kids along with me, and I'd be making my room all cute, and getting all the supplies, and you know, putting a bunch of my own money into my classroom, getting snacks.

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Sorry, I have a kitty back here.

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Will you stop it? Hey! Again with the kittens.

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Whoa! Um, they're about 20 weeks old now and they're just super playful, but I'm gonna try my best to ignore them.

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So if you can see this behind me in the video, this is actually in the video.

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Um, this is from my classroom, and this is from my classroom, and this is from my classroom.

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Like, a lot of the stuff I have in here is from my classroom.

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So, it's just weird.

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I'm re I'm repurposing it.

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This isn't real wood.

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Somebody was like, you look like you're in an outhouse.

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I'm not in an outhouse.

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Anyway, for the people that can't see, it's my old bulletin board backing.

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And then the chain up here, um, sorry, I'm, Distracted easy.

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But this chain that's up here, this is actually a teamwork chain.

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So when my students are working together, um, they do a really good line.

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We get compliments from the teacher.

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We, um, have really great behavior, maybe in music.

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I'll give them links on the chain, and when the chain hits the floor, they get a whole class reward.

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And then we were trying to make the chain go all the way around the room, and it didn't work.

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I didn't make it, but, um, I thought it was a cute background and the kids are just, not kids, the kittens are just kind of destroying it.

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Anyway.

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That's, but like that kind of stuff is what I'm thinking about normally this time of the year.

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And I'm, I don't have to think about that right now.

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I can put all that energy that I put towards my classroom into other stuff.

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And it's just been really rewarding to be able to put that time and that energy into taking care of myself.

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And into, um, my house and my kids.

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I have a lot of, I'm working on my daughter's bedroom.

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Um, we're just trying to make it fit her a little bit more so we can claim our bed back.

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I don't know if any of you have that problem where you have extra humans in your bed in the morning.

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We're trying to curb that habit.

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So I think part of it is just making their bedrooms the place that they enjoy.

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So we're doing that one kid at a time.

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See, and I'm still Those are kind of things that I would be doing.

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I'm like, feel like I'm doing the same things.

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Like, I'm helping my daughter with her bedroom, and I'm helping decorate and stuff.

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Doing the same stuff, but I'm doing it as a mom instead.

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And so like, I'm still getting that creative itch.

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Like, that's part of what I loved about my last school is that I was able to have a lot of creativity.

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But the stress is totally different now.

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Like my daughter is worried.

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My, um, she's seven.

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She's going into second grade and she's just kind of worried about what it's going to be like, because she's never been at school without me ever.

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And, um, like even at preschool, I was at her preschool.

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Um, even if I wasn't there all the time, like I was still available and normally.

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I'd be right down the hallway and I'm not going to be right down the hallway anymore.

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I'm going to be home.

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And it's so hard to wrap her brain around.

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Like I can go.

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Watch out teachers per school.

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I can come in any time.

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Right? Like, if I'm able to, and I can, and I can volunteer some of my services, I can do that, but I don't have to be spending hours and hours and hours, um, Creating year long plans and to do lists and going over curriculum and like about now I'd be at the school setting up my classroom.

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I'm not doing that setting up my kids room Or I'd already be like halfway through my year long plan and going through all kinds of things Materials and things, and I think I mentioned last time I really love books.

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Book recommendations, send them my way.

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Um, there's apparently a lot of books I have not read, especially because I couldn't see or hear for a little bit.

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Um, being a teacher, not being able to read books is really hard.

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So, off topic, again, look at me.

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See? Not so genius.

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Getting distracted.

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Um, It's just nice to be able to read books that I want to read.

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Like I'm diving into a bunch of different series and I'm trying to like get my kids excited about reading like my own kids.

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Like my own personal children.

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Like I still, all my students in the past, I keep running into them and I think I'm always going to be a teacher.

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Like you're not going to take that away from me.

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Um, I worked really, really hard to And I did lots of school.

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I got my master's and I'm not going to let that go to waste, but it's just been really rewarding to put, how can I put it? Like you can't, you can't give 110 percent of yourself to all areas of your life.

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all the time.

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And honestly, I felt like I was, um, if you've ever seen one of those sideshow acts or circus acts where it's like a juggler, but they're spinning plates on sticks and they're just running around keeping all these plates spinning.

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And it's like this really cool balancing act.

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I can't do that all the time.

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I can't do that for a long time.

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And when the plates fall, they break.

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And I don't have plates to replace them all the time.

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So if I am able to, I want to be able to take some of those plates down.

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Maybe I don't need all the plates spinning, right? Um, and I'm very fortunate, very lucky to be able to stay at home this school year.

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Who knows? Maybe I'll go back next year or the year after.

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Um, But it's the beginning of the school year is just as scary for the teachers as it is for the students because there's we have no idea what batch of kids we're going to get until we get right up close to there and like who knows what the day to day routines are going to be like and what the expectations are and if your curriculum is going to be there and if you're going to have all your supplies and um, what about getting sick? Like this last year, I was sick a lot and I hated leaving my students behind, but really I had to go take care of myself so I could be there for them.

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And they had great subs.

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There was maybe like one or two that were kind of, but I mean, that's going to happen anywhere you go.

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So I just think as we're approaching the beginning of the school year, some, some things to keep in mind and some things to think about, um, is finding that balance.

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And that's for everybody.

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Cause we talk a lot in school about making sure you're balanced and that you're not doing too much play and not enough work.

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Like you have to get your work done too.

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And part of our goal is to make sure we're having fun because if you're having fun, you can learn without realizing it.

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And it's a lot more enjoyable to be together if you're having a good time.

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So, um, it's just.

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Oh my gosh.

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Finding the balance between making sure that you have enough play and enough of the work because you don't want them to play around all day and not learn anything.

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And you don't want them to be working so hard that they're stressed out all the time.

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And I've noticed I used to teach first grade.

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Um, before that I taught P.

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E.

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for a minute.

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And art.

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That's a really long story.

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I'm not sure how much of that I've actually talked about.

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I'm kind of like Dory.

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I get short term memory loss.

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Memory loss? Wow.

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Memory loss.

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Um, often.

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And so bear with me.

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I appreciate your patience.

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I have a whole list over here trying to make sure I stay on track.

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Um, but I think everybody, like I talked about it with my students at the beginning of the school year and all throughout the school years, making sure you have that balance.

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But when you're a teacher and I taught, I know I talked about this before.

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Um, it's really, really difficult to find that work life balance period as a teacher, um, taking time off for doctor's appointments and things like that can be hard to do and you want to give, and I know so many amazing, wonderful teachers and they want to give 110 percent to their students.

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job, and they do an amazing job of it, but then they're just exhausted because teachers are hit all different angles all day long, um, making a million decisions a minute.

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And you're not just making decisions for what's best for you.

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You're making decisions for what's best for your classroom and for Your 20 something students and the school environment and just the day to day, like the year long plan.

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I've talked about a couple of times.

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It's like your whole scope and sequence for the year, what you're going to talk about when in all of your content areas.

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And that can be really overwhelming to plan and to do so.

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Teachers get anxious and I don't blame them.

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I was one of them.

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Um, and especially with like curriculum changing and things are changing all the time.

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Like the education system is just constantly changing.

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Um, but the main goal is to just do what's best for the kids and the community overall.

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Like we want everybody to learn and grow and love and take care of each other.

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And I think like at the beginning of the school year I want to make sure that All of my students feel safe and that they feel like they're part of a, they're part of our community and we're part of a family and we take care of each other.

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We don't, we're all learning and growing and we're not, um, because we are all there to learn and grow and we're all working on different things, we shouldn't be ashamed of the things that we're learning.

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Excuse me, sip of water.

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Um, because not everybody is going to be good at the same thing.

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And so being able to work really hard to create that community in my classroom where everybody is there to learn and do their best, and it's not a competition of who can get there first because we're all learning and growing.

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This is Alexis, she's one of our favorite fosters, huh baby? She's the loudest purr.

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Um, but I see a lot of anxiety in first grade.

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Like a lot.

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Not just at the beginning of the school year, just all school year long.

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So, I think creating that community and That community also needs to happen at home.

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Being able to create a community where it's okay to learn and it's okay to work hard and do your best and your best is going to look different every day and we're all human and we're all people and being a people is hard.

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Like I have a cute little book and all the kids got to write down some of their favorite things that I say.

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One of them was being a people is hard.

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I think another one was it doesn't have to be perfect.

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Just do your best.

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Um, And those were things that we really, really lived by in our classroom and that we're all family.

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We all belong here and we should all take care of each other and treat each other like that.

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Um, I wish there was a lot less anxiety in our little tiny humans, but we have to meet the kids where they're at.

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Um, there's a lot of fear from some teachers I know at the beginning of the school year, mostly because they know that the kids are anxious, and they're worried, and there's a lot of uncertain things going on right now.

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I am not going to do a lot of politics or anything like that on this podcast, because that's not something that I like to think about.

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Um.

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I know a lot of things are on people's minds, and I don't, that's, I'm not here to start stuff, but I'm just saying there's a lot of things in politics when it comes to education, and it can be kind of scary.

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There's a lot of people making decisions for our teachers, which trickles down to our kids.

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And overall, I just, Man, I just want us to take care of each other.

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And like, there was a lot of drama.

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I think part, part of why here we get to some of the inner workings stuff and how things from your past can come up in your life later.

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Um, I had a lot of drama when I was a teenager and a lot of it wasn't anything that like, I was.

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Trying to do a lot of it was misunderstandings and like me saying I'm being honest and not being believed Which is really really hard, but at one point like I lost pretty much all my friends And it sucked.

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I pretty much just hung out with my boyfriend and his friends, whoever they were, and I had a very small number of friends that were girls, um, especially after I left the church because, um, I don't know.

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A lot of you don't know me.

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Maybe you do.

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Who knows? I have no idea who's listening.

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Hello, whoever you are.

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Um, but I was raised LDS and I don't practice.

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My records are still on the church, but I don't really practice.

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Um, I just figured out how to get them removed just because it isn't, it's not at the top of my list.

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Like I'm covered in tattoos and I don't really live up to their standards.

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And I haven't since I was.

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And after that happened, I lost a lot of my friends.

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And it was awful, awful, awful.

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Um, people were talking about me and saying a lot of stuff about me that wasn't true.

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Um, and this was, what's this? Yeah, that was before my first rape, even.

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And then after that, like, people were still, Saying mean, awful, horrible things.

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Like when I came forward and I talked about my rape, I was told that I was lying and that I wanted it and that I wasn't that drunk and all this other stuff.

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And, um, A lot of talk about what I was wearing.

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For the record, I was wearing a hoodie and pants and yeah.

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And my shoes, they took my shoes too.

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I had to go do one of those rape kit things.

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It's not fun.

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That's not something that I would like make a choice to do because I wanted something and felt bad about, I don't know.

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I don't understand.

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I don't understand people's thinking.

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Anyway, after that.

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Like, I had already lost a lot of friends, and then it was like, I was this awful, horrible sinner, and I live in Utah, so there's a lot of, um, there were a lot of girls my age that were in my ward, or in the church that I went to, and a majority of them, because I didn't go to church anymore, they just spoke to me.

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didn't talk to me.

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So I lost like a whole community because I stopped going to church.

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And so I had to find one and I made one in my boys.

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I have a lot of guy friends that I'm really proud of knowing.

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Um, it's kind of, I think that's one of the few reasons that I like social media is that I'm able to keep in touch with people after we've drifted apart.

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So it's really fun to see my boys.

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They were like brothers to me, which was really nice.

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Cause I really needed somebody like I needed people and I didn't really feel like I had anybody or anybody that I could relate to.

197
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Like I didn't have girls and the girls were just drama.

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No matter what I did.

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It was drama, drama, drama.

200
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Oh no.

201
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Hi buddy.

202
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This one is not a foster.

203
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Hold on.

204
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Oh baby.

205
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Hi love.

206
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What? Oh, well, you should go.

207
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Bye, buddy.

208
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Okay.

209
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That's spooky.

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That's my daughter's cat.

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Anyway, um, but all that stuff that happened to me, really, like back in high school, once upon a time, really made me aware of The community that I create in my classroom and the interactions that my students are having with each other, because I really try to avoid that kind of drama.

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If my students don't feel safe and if they don't feel like they're part of the community, they're not going to do anything to learn.

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So a lot of what I did to Become the teacher that I was, was really think about my life and everything that I went through and what parts of it I felt like were good for kids to have and what parts were not.

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And there was a lot that wasn't.

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So it's hard, like, It's hard to change things.

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Like, change takes time.

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Um, there was a lot of, and it goes beyond the, You're not invited to my birthday party drama.

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It goes beyond that.

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It's, um, there, they were, in my classroom this last year, they were like, getting really catty and making up lies about each other.

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And saying, so and so said this about you.

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Or so and so said they don't like you when they really did it.

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So it was just really disappointing to see these kids are like six and seven, and that's not the kind of behavior that I want them learning.

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So we tried to squash it.

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Um, and we tried to work on a lot of those pro social skills, like how to make friends and making eye contact and, um, not standing too close to people and.

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When you talk to somebody, you shouldn't be talking to them like you're in a YouTube video, because you're probably not in a YouTube video, right? Um, anyway, some random thoughts, internal ramblings of my not so genius mind.

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If you have made it this far, thank you so much for coming along for the ride.

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I really, really appreciate it.

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Um, let me see, what else was I gonna pull out of here? Ooh, you can find me actually at not so genius on Instagram.

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I am pretty easy to find there.

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And if you go to the link in my bio, you can see some of the articles that, um, are about me and a couple of the other podcast episodes that I have been the guest on.

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Recently I was the guest on, um, the Fresh King Benjamin's podcast, Vibing Through the Apocalypse, which was really fun.

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We had a really good time.

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He's a great guy.

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Um, if you have not listened to his podcast, you should check it out.

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It's part of Ride the Wave media.

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Um, yeah, I don't know.

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Thanks for hanging out.

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Thanks for coming along for the internal ramblings of whatever happens out of my mouth.

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Um, And always remember to take care of yourself.

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It's really important.

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Tell me what you do.

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What do you do to take care of yourself? Um, I'd love to know and I think it would be really fun to kind of share some of our, these are what I do to take care of myself tips, um, with each of the episodes.

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So if you have something that you do that you would like to share that you do to take care of yourself, Send it my way.

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Send it on Instagram and I would love to share it next time.

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Uh, next time I'm actually going to be diving into more of my former LDS story.

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So you're gonna wanna hang out for that, I think.

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See you around.